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Counselor Senior Editor Michele Bell's slanted view of the world.

Battlestar Galactica’s Last Episode: The Final “Frak You”

Filed under: Fun, Personal

Hi Everyone!

Today is a momentous day in Dorkville, as Battlestar Galactica, the Sci-Fi Network’s brilliantly brutal and deliciously dark space opera about human beings living in a futuristic alternate reality and the sexy, stealthy, sneaky Cylon robot counterparts who love them (except when they want to kill them) calls it quits after four breathtakingly rollicking seasons.

In this now-famous “Last Supper” press photo for the start of the fourth and final season of Battlestar Galactica, the impossibly attractive main players of humans and Cylons share a table before one last, big, “frak you” moment.

Two of my work BFFs, Hillary Braubitz (ASI’s senior editorial designer who lays out our magazines) and Jeremy Young (one of ASI’s tech engineers) and I rented a hotel room last week so we could all watch the second-to-the-last episode together. We wanted to watch together because Hillary, who is in Europe at the moment and will be missing tonight’s final show, is the one who turned me on to the frakking fabulousness that is BSG. She’s also allergic to cats (removing watching the show at my house, where my kittens Monkey and Mouse live with me, from the equation), which is why we got a hotel room where we could all hunker down, drink ourselves silly and bask in the brilliance of the show.

Here are my partners-in-dorkiness, Hillary Braubitz, ASI’s senior editorial designer (she lays out all our magazines) and the person who first clued me into the brilliance of BSG, and Jeremy Young, one of the uber-Geeks who handles ASI’s technology infrastructure. Despite the stricken look on her face — which bears more than a passing resemblance to Patty Hearst’s after she spent a day or two with the Symbionese Liberation Army — Hillary really isn’t unnerved by Jeremy, nor is Jeremy nearly as cheesy as he looks in this photo. Why he appears to be posing for a cognac ad escapes me. All he’s missing is a red silk robe, a matching ascot and a pipe.

Here, Jeremy says something clearly jaw-dropping to Hillary. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s just sucked down his second tumbler of 18-year-old Scotch or that he’s proudly wearing a Han Solo Star Wars T-shirt. I’ll say this about Jeremy: He does fly his dork flag proudly…

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about my love for BSG, or my coming out of the closet as a full-fledged sci-fi/fantasy fan. [Click here for previous blog] However, it bears repeating because this show may be one of the best we’ll come across in a generation. Like some other ground-breaking shows — The Sopranos, Mad Men, Rescue Me, LostBSG was never afraid to address messy issues and had to guts to let them play out as they would in real life, in all its nasty, gritty, gory glory. No one on BSG is an angel (well, one of them may be, but her behavior is far from angelic), which is what makes the show all that more compelling — there is no pure good or evil. Everything about this show (including its lighting) exists in troubling shades of gray. Not since Blade Runner has science fiction shot for the screen been so morally ambiguous.

So, without further delay, are the top 4 reasons why BSG may be the best show in decades:  

1. Though it never won a major Golden Globe or Emmy award, BSG received critical acclaim, the devotion of legions of fans and was presented with the prestigious Peabody Award for excellence in television. Which, by the way, if we’re comparing that to the Emmys, would be like being given a glass of Veuve Clicquot champagne as opposed to a mason jar full of Champipple. So esteemed is this show that a special screening of select episodes was held this week at the United Nations, followed by a discussion among U.N. representatives, cast members and the show’s creators on topics such as human rights, children and armed conflicts, terrorism and different cultures and faiths. When the blond pop tarts on The Girls Next Door are invited to such a gathering, I’ll turn in my membership to the nerd herd and begin touting the benefits of reality TV to society.

2. In creating such a vivid, complex and at times frustrating view of an alternate society, the brains behind BSG have given us such gems as a cranky, cantankerous doctor, ironically named “Coddle,” who chain-smokes in front of critically ill patients and barks at grieving family members, “just try not to unplug anything — or anybody.” So fully-formed and unique are the characters that populate the BSG world that it’s them you’re ultimately drawn to — not the dazzling (and they are) special effects. You also have to give kudos to a show that installed a woman as president (the always-awesome Mary McDonnell) and gave her the backbone to make impossibly difficult decisions with the wisdom, grace and definitiveness you wish existed in the men who’ve held the office of U.S. president.

3. FRAK! One of my favorite aspects of BSG is the way it commandeered its own bad, four-letter “F-word” that’s not only part of the lexicon in the BSG world, but has seeped into ours as well. Want to know who’s a BSG fan? Start hurling the word “frak” around and they’ll give themselves away with the knowing glint in their eyes. I like it because it allows me to curse even more loudly and liberally than usual, but without the usual annoying tisk-tisk, finger-wagging repercussions. I can’t tell you the joy I derive from telling Joe Haley, ASI’s managing editor and star of The Joe Show, “Frak you, my little motherfrakker!” (He responds in kind by calling me “a total dork who is justifiably single.”)

4. Because the creators of the show, Ronald Moore and David Eick, took the character of Starbuck — played in the cheesy ’70s original by Dirk Benedict as the epitome of a testosterone-driven, swashbuckling rogue — and did the unthinkable. They re-imagined the character as a blond, tattooed girl. Kara Thrace (played by Katee Sackoff) is an ace fighter pilot with a mouth like a sailor on shore leave. The only thing more mind-numbing than her use of profanity is her cavalier, chew-’em-up-and-spit-’em-out attitude towards sex and her ability to drink copious amounts of liquor. Of course, I love her. I’d want to drink with her, but am sure she’d kick my ass, as she does everyone else’s. In this new, enlightened BSG world, Starbuck is a little bad-ass blond who can eat your entrails for lunch, and wash them down with a shot.

Because I am such a devotee of BSG, and because today is the show’s last hurrah, please do post a comment below if you’re a BSG fan. If you do, it will be my pleasure to send you your very own “Frak” mug — one of which I have on my desk, as do my BFF dorks Hillary and Jeremy. After all, everyone deserves a good frak. So say we all!

Cheers, and more next week!

— Michele Actual 


What the Hell is a “Twitter”?

Filed under: Fun, Personal

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I’ve been incommunicado — I’ve had crazy, overlapping magazine deadlines that have been stalking me like buzzards flying lazing circles.

However, my absence from blogging has given me time to ponder my latest loony rant: just how much I despise online social networking. It’s not that I’m averse to new forms of technology per se… Some of my favorite people here at ASI are the Tech Geeks, or as I call them, The Joy Stick Club. 

So what’s my issue with online social networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and MySpace? They’re the nexus for all things annoying in life, and one more nail in the coffin of personal, human interaction. Heretowith, the eight reasons why online networking is the current bane of my existence:

1. The Tedious Play-by-Play. Am I the only one who doesn’t care that Mrs. Blah Blah is “out having the dog groomed” or that Larry Lame “just had a burrito for lunch.” Let me end the suspense for you: Michele is sitting at her computer right now, rolling her eyes in an exasperated fashion and using variations of a word that rhymes with “duck.”

2. When, Exactly, Did “Friend” Become a Verb? I get daily invitations from people who want to “Friend” me, Link with me and Tweet me (which sounds way more salacious and fun than it is). Really? First of all, if I consider you a friend and want you to have an all-access pass to my life, you already have my e-mail address and cell phone number, which I sometimes think has been written on bathroom walls at ASI shows, so many industry people seem to have it. Do we really need one more avenue through which to know every single detail about a person and to be able to contact them 24/7? I love you all dearly… I love my privacy more.

3. Ghosts of Boyfriends Past. My friend Meg and I have known each other since the first grade. We know each other’s dirty little secrets and have been there for all the major events in each other’s life. Meg called me last week to tell me that she’s now on Facebook and has been in contact with a guy we went to high school with — let’s call him Loser McMoron. The cringe-inducing part? Loser McMoron is the first person I had sex with and the thought of my oldest friend chatting him up after all these years unnerves the hell out of me. Do I regret the losing-my-virginity sex? Nope. I regret the fact that it was with a Reagan Republican. I still shudder at the thought. The moral of the story? Some people belong in the past. Unlike Christ, resurrecting them isn’t hallelujah-worthy.

4. The “25 Random Things” List on Facebook. Please. Have we really become this self-important and self-involved that we need to share every little cockamamie, weirdo aspect of our lives? Because I refuse to engage in online networking, my cousin read her list to me, much to my chagrin. Number 6 on her list was “Sometimes, when I’m sad, I sneak a piece of cake and eat it in my bedroom.” Good Lord. Who needs to know that? Have we no shame? And by the way, to my cousin I say: Anyone who’s walked behind you lately would agree that the sneaky cake-eating isn’t exactly a secret.

5. My mother is on Facebook.

6. The Whining Wall. My aforementioned mother, Judge Judye (again, she doesn’t preside over a court, but she is judgemental), is a new member to the Facebook community, which is reason enough for me to disavow it as a harbinger of the apocalypse. She’s eager for me to join so she can post messages on my “Wall.” I’m not quite sure what that is, but am fairly certain they have one in hell. To be clear, my mother utilizes every form of modern communication — phone, e-mail, text message — to reach her recommended daily allowance of nagging. Giving her one more portal to do so is the last thing I need. When I didn’t call her back within five minutes after her leaving me message on Sunday night because I was watching the Oscars, she sent me an Instant Message reminding me that she was in labor with me for 10 hours. Oy gevault, sighs this shiksa.

7. Virtual “Drinks.” As someone who still gets a special thrill uncorking a new bottle of Grey Goose and pouring it over a glacial stack of ice, the concept of a “virtual drink” is just downright twisted and evil. The premise, as it’s been explained to me, is this: A person sends out an invitation to all his online “friends” to have a drink, and if you accept, a mini-program is downloaded, thereby letting your wild and crazy online posse tie one on. (A word of caution: Drink responsibly or you may end up getting Control-Alt-Deleted right into Virtual Rehab.) Joe Haley, my editorial colleague and star of The Joe Show, tells me, “It’s like being in a bar and drinking with all your friends.” Yes, it certainly seems so in every way — except that there’s no real bar, there are no real, live friends and, most importantly, THERE IS NO ALCOHOL. If I want to drink in a bar with friends, I require it to be so real that I feel the thud of dead weight hitting the floor as they boozily fall off their bar stools like sacks of potatoes.

8. The Popularity Contest. I have actually witnessed conversations between middle-aged people in which they complain that they “only have 60 MySpace friends while SoandSo has 500” or lamenting for far longer than they should that their request to be someone’s “friend” has been declined. I’m just guessing here, but I think these are also the people who brought their cousins as prom dates and were the last kids to be picked for dodgeball.

Now lest you think I’m alone in my anti-online networking sentiment, Time magazine just declared Facebook “the place for old fogies” and about as hip as Pat Boone. “There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook,” the magazine noted. “That time has passed.”

Additionally, my techno-dork BFF Jeremy whom I mentioned earlier in this blog drew his own line in the sand last November by removing himself and all evidence he ever existed from Facebook (which speaks volumes about his threshold for geekiness because has NO problem proudly and readily admitting that he’s the secretary in an amateur astronomy club): “Social networks are the new world order of how people hang out,” he says. “It used to be that you’d hang out with friends and it was fun. Now you ‘hang out’ with people online and don’t even know some of themThere’s an entire Internet of people spewing nonsense that I couldn’t care less about … and they’re not there for me to mock in person.” 

My reason for shunning online networking is different: I like my real-life friends — the ones who can meet for real meals and show up to provide rides, alibis and testimony for the defense at a moment’s notice. When online friends can do that, I’ll be all aTwitter.  

Cheers!

— M

PS: Hope to see you at ASI’s New York Show from March 8-10. I’ll be the one consuming real drinks… ; )


J’Adore Paris!

Filed under: Fun, Personal, PSI Shows, Travel

Hi from Philly!

I just returned from Paris, France, where ASI senior vice president and I spent the weekend after the fabulously successful PSI Show in Dusseldorf.

France is my favorite place in the world, and Paris is my favorite city, so the cloud of snark and sass that usually envelopes me dissipated, and I was in my giddy, glorious happy place. The food, the wine, the architecture, the haute fashion and hot guys with those knee-weakening accents… Mon Dieu!

Rich and I stayed in this tres cool boutique place called Mon Hotel www.monhotel.fr, owned by a good friend of my good friend Philippe Varnier, CEO of Polyconcept — the parent company of Leed’s, Bullet Line and Journal Books, and the largest hard goods supplier of ad specialties in the world. Mon Hotel sells out for the French Open and Fashion Week, with the best athletes and top models staying there. The decor is very chic and very French — the walls in the rooms papered in suede and the elevator, lined with red leather. In fact, up until a few years ago, the hotel was the site of Paris’ most well-known — and best — brothel. Giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, “going out with a bang, not a whimper.” ; )

See below for an array of amazing photos from Paris. Next up on Michele’s Amazingly Excellent Adventures is the PPACanada Show in Toronto. Let me know if you’ll be there. And for all my friends at the PPAI Vegas Show who have been calling/texting/e-mailing, I miss you too! More next week…

Cheers!

— M

Patrick Politze, CEO of the European Promotional Products Association (EPPA), addresses a crowd of journalists from around the world to signal the opening of the 47th PSI Düsseldorf Show. Second from the left, seated, is Michael Freter, the new managing director of PSI — a super nice and supremely capable guy. The show was fantastic, and at this press conference, survey data was released on the state of the European market. To find more information, go to www.psionline.de.
An example of a booth that does it right: Gildan displayed its new shirts under Plexiglas, making for a very unusual floor in its booth. Not only did that draw attendee attention, but at the end of the first day, they served Italian wine, meats and cheeses to guests. Trust me on this, in Europe, exhibiting is like an art form.
Here, Miranda Rodenburg, Polyconcept’s top-selling salesperson in the Netherlands, spends some time with CEO Philippe Varnier. Philippe tells me that Miranda beats her own sales figures every year (impressive in a down economy), and is so passionate about her customers, that she advocates on their behalf as if they were her own children.
Rich Fairfield, ASI’s senior vice president/publisher and my boss, loved these little chili pepper buttons on this restaurant uniform. Another version had little skulls for buttons.
I loved these designated “Relaxing Zone” signs around the PSI Show floor, which indicated rest areas. The show was so busy, however, they were rarely in use. I should have gotten one for my office back at ASI, which is most definitely a “Procrastinating Zone.”
Some of ASI’s magazines on display in the Relaxing Zone, so people could check them out. Due to ASI’s strategic partnership with PSI, they were so graciously accommodating and welcoming to Rich, Ron Ball and I. To them, I say Danke Soviel!
Some of you have asked about the Polyconcept “hotel boats” on which Rich and I are nicely invited to stay every year. Well, here they are. Because Polyconcept brings so many staff people to work it’s 20,000 square foot (yes, you’re reading that right!) booth, usually between 150-200 people, they bring in these boats on which everyone sleeps and eats, and which is docked right near the convention center. It cuts down on the cost of hotel rooms, meals and taxis, with one boat for the staff and one for top clients, guests and the executive team. With restaurants, bars, an exercise room and a concierge, it has everything you could want — even life jackets should you get tipsy and fall into the Rhine.
Willem van Walt Meijer, the new CEO of MidOcean, the second-largest hard-goods supplier in Europe, after Polyconcept.
As an example of how intricate the booths at the European shows can be, check out this one from Koziol. And I would say this is moderate compared to some…
When Rich and I arrived into Paris on Friday night, we had dinner with my friend Yann Leca, the ever-charming CFO of Polyconcept and his lovely wife Severine, shown here. They took us to a fabulous restaurant called “Les Ombres“, atop the Primitive Art Museum at Quai Branly, on the left bank of the Seine river, next to the Eiffel Tower. The stunning view was only exceeded by the amazing company.
Here’s me, Severine and Yann, on the restaurant’s terrace with the Eiffel Tower as the backdrop. When you’re surrounded by something as spectacular as this, realize just what a sublime place Paris really is.
Rich, me, Severine and Yann… because you just can’t have enough great photos in front of the Eiffel Tower!
On Saturday afternoon, Philippe’s assistant of 14 years, Marie-Francoise Boulenger, took me to the Musee d’Orsay and the Louvre. It was an amazing day and Marie-Francoise, who is a fifth-generation Parisian, was the best host one could ask for, but towards the end I was getting a little tired. Right before we left, I turned a corner and came face to face with the Venus de Milo. To which I can only say, thank you, Marie-Francoise, for reintroducing my jaw to the floor.
On Saturday night, Philippe Varnier and his exotic wife Martine (shown here) took Rich and I to a very hip and delicious restaurant called Kube, in which all the food was indeed served in cubed form — except the steak tartar and the chocolate mousse dessert, which were served in little syringes. Literally, you inserted the syringe into your mouth and pushed down on the plunger.
Here’s Rich and I, surrounded by lit bears, to signify the chilly temperature inside the Iced Kube bar, atop the Kube restaurant.
As a special surprise, Philippe took Rich and I to the Ice Kube bar above the Kube restaurant. Once we climbed the stairs, we were each given parkas, gloves and fur hoods, to allow for the below-zero temperatures. You see, the bar was sponsored by Grey Goose (cue the sounds of celestial trumpets and angels singing) vodka, my favorite of all drinks, and everything in it was made of ice — the floors, walls, chairs, cups. Once you were parka’d up, you were given access through an igloo entrance. Here’s Rich, looking shell-shocked…
Philippe Varnier, Polyconcept’s CEO, entering the ice igloo on the way to Grey Goose heaven.
I quickly decided that when I die, I want to be frozen into one of the walls at this bar — like a preserved woolly mammoth — smiling and holding a Grey Goose cosmopolitan, so that will be my image in perpetuity.
Philippe and Rich, getting in touch with their inner-Eskimos.
Rich, holding court in an ice chair, drinking his second Grey Goose cocktail. It should be noted that neither Philippe or Rich are the streamlined drinker I am, so by the time we left, they were “happy,” to say the least. In fact, as we exited the restaurant, we all noticed the luminous full moon… at which Philippe and Rich both HOWLED in unison. And no, I kid you not. Let it never be said that I — and my precious Grey Goose — don’t have a potent affect on men. ; )
Click above to see a video of the Ice Kube bar in Paris, where the temperature is about 10 degrees below zero, the floors, walls, chairs and cups are made of ice and where they give you a parka, gloves and a furry hood to wear before you enter. The bar is sponsored by France’s Grey Goose vodka (my favorite!), and each visitor gets four Goose-based drinks, such as cosmopolitans and lemon drops, while visiting. In this video, Polyconcept’s CEO and industry celeb Philippe Varnier jumps around to stay warm. You’ll understand… I get cold just watching this… ; )

PSI Dusseldorf: Heavy Traffic, Suave Italians and Bare Naked Ladies…

Filed under: Personal, PSI Shows

Hi from the Fabulous PSI Show!

For those who may have been worried about the economy’s affect on the show’s attendance, their fears were allayed quickly, as the event drew a record number of distributors.

If you haven’t been to the PSI Dusseldorf Show, it is the world’s largest ad specialty event, with over 900 suppliers taking up more than 500,000 square feet of exhibit space.

The booths are spectacularly stunning, as Europeans put a heavy emphasis on design, display and presentation. And, because every booth has ample seating and serves food, soft drinks and cocktails, it encourages distributors to stay longer in each booth, and to really take the time to discuss business and build relationships.

As an example, myself, my “work husband” Ron Ball, ASI’s vice president of supplier sales, and Rich Fairfield, ASI’s senior vice president/publisher (the poor soul who’s our boss — he often uses the word “unmanageable” to describe Ron and I) stopped by the Italian Association’s booth to visit my friend Lorenzo, the director. While there (at 11:00 a.m., mind you), we were served the best parmasean cheese, prosciutto and Chianti I’ve ever had. Needless to say, our meeting lasted for an hour, which is about the time most distributors spend in an exhibitor’s booth. For me, it’s just a special thrill to engage in sanctioned drinking before noon — it’s delightfully fun, without that pesky feeling of being a degenerate rummy.

And it was awesome to see friends from the U.S. industry — such as Gemline’s Jonathan Isaacson, Pearl Luck Trading’s Herb Levy, Hit Promotional Products’ Bill Schmidt, JMTek’s Kyu Lee, IMC’s Wendy Simons and Barry Fogel (who exhibited), Ogio’s Nick Wright and Prime Line’s Jeff Lederer — on the show floor and walking around the city.

Rich and I stayed on Polyconcept’s “hotel boat” as guests of my beloved ones, the company’s CEO Philippe Varnier and its CFO, Yann Leca. It was TOO much fun, as was the show itself. Check out the photos below and more soon from Paris, where Rich and I are now heading for the weekend. I’m a total Francophile, so France is my happy place. J’adore Paris!!!

Here’s my lofty goal for the weekend: Have a torrid, steamy affair with a long-haired, inappropriately young French guy, where we smoke cigarettes, drink great wine and sit in cafes debating the madness of Modigliani. Because, as Oscar Wilde (who, like Jim Morrison, is buried in Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris) once said: “To get back my youth, I’d do anything in the world — except exercise, get up early or be respectable.” ; )

Cheers!
— M

I’m not quite sure why this man was in costume, but I give props to any guy with the cojones to sport white tights and a feather plume. He also, for reasons mystifying to me, kept bringing me beer, champagne and chocolate truffles. He was like a jester from heaven…
To reach the oh-so-fabulous Polyconcept boat, which was docked on the river and within walking distance to the show, you had to walk down this steep gang-plank. However, because it had just snowed in Germany and it was 20 degrees, it was icy and dicey. Rich walked in front of me one night, and should I have slipped, we would have both ended up floating down the Rhine.
The Polyconcept boat was truly like a hotel, complete with lounges, restaurants and an exercise room. As I have a visceral aversion to any sort of physical activity, I certainly would never spend time in a gym, Lord knows — nor would I ever own a pair of sneakers. Rich took this photo of me, in my fur coat, stilettos and cigarette on a stationary bike… I pedaled three rotations and thought my lungs had collapsed.
This is me with my friend Lorenzo Mazzucchelli, sales manager for the Italian promotional products association, located in Milan. He is impossibly charming, with that silky Italian accent that makes my knees weak to hear him say my name. “Ah… Me-chele…” I intentionally stalked him at the show so every time he saw me, he would give me the double-kiss on the cheeks, like Euros do. I know… I’m SHAMELESS!
An overview of one of the four halls that housed this year’s PSI Show. The show is so big because the booths are often three times the size of booths in the U.S. The Senator booth, for example, had two floors and encompassed three aisles.
Here’s Philippe Varnier, the CEO of Polyconcept — Europe’s largest supplier and the owner of Leed’s, Bullet Line and Journal Books — and I, in his booth. Have I told you lately that I love him??? My nickname for Philippe is “Mr. Suave” and he lives up to it!
Philippe’s team made these fun rosy pink sunglasses to give away at the show as self-promo pieces. To help attendees stay positive about the economy, the imprint says: “The Outlook for 2009 is rosy”
Bella hosted a fashion show in its booth, starring long, lithe and luscious models. Clearly, Europeans take a less puritanical stance than the U.S. when it comes to nudity, and aren’t offended by it. Which brings me to the next photo…
Yes, you are seeing what you think you’re seeing. This model modeled topless every day of the show, while this artist painted her skin. Needless to say, the traffic this booth generated was of epic proportions. And to quote a famous episode of “Seinfeld” involving a girlfriend of Jerry’s (played by Teri Hatcher) spongy girl parts and the question as to whether or not they were real, this girl’s were and they were spectacular!
One exhibitor at the PSI Show, Machma, actually constructed a 40-foot bar and built walls with embedded fish tanks. Click here to see a slightly surreal, Dali-esque video Rich shot with my camera…

Who Knew My Bra Would Be Mistaken as a Weapon of Mass Destruction?

Filed under: Personal, PSI Shows, Travel

Gutentagen from Frankfurt, Germany! It’s 6:00 a.m. here and I’m at the airport on my way to Dusseldorf for the PSI Show, Europe’s (and, in fact, the world’s) largest ad specialties show.

Starting tomorrow, the show is set to welcome 21,000 attendees visiting over 500,000 square feet of exhibitors’ booth space. It is huge, it is wildly impressive and it is one of the best-run shows I’ve ever been to, featuring the year’s most innovative and chic product designs on display. It’s here where you see the creativity first, before it gets knocked off in China.

The flight from Philly to Frankfurt lasted almost eight hours, which is a cake walk compared to the 18-hour special brand of airborne hell I’ll be on in April when I fly to Asia for the Canton Show and Hong Kong Gift Fair. Let me know if you’re going… We can plan on medicating together!

The flight was also unexpectedly pleasant… I fly so often that I’ve become a jaded, bitchy traveler, one who sinks sullenly into her own fur coat on the plane rather than interact with anyone, and who listens to her iPod with a distinct “Disturb at Your Own Risk” aura enveloping her.

But on this particular flight, I sat with a 10-year-old German boy named Jannick (his parents were a few rows behind us) who was so precocious he told me he wants to grow up and live at Disneyland, but commute daily via his own plane to Wall Street where he’ll be an investment banker. This child was so self-assured, I have no doubt he’ll do it. Rock on, my little Gordon Gekko!

Next to him was 20-year-old Ryan from Cherry Hill, NJ, who was going to Europe for the first time to attend school in France for five months. He was so enthusiastic and full of optimism, I thought he was adorable. Or, maybe it was the fact that he asked if I was “a grad student.” God bless dim boys and dimmer airplane lighting. If it wouldn’t have bordered on a felony, I would have kissed him on the spot.

The three of us had a delightful time watching movies in sync, so much so that when I disembarked the plane, I had a renewed zeal and zest for travel. Right up until the point when I set off the metal detectors in the security line in Frankfurt. What was the reason, you may wonder? That would be my underwire bra, which — when the security agent waved the wand over me — sent the alarms screeching. Of course after a spectacle like that, the hands-on body search is imminent.

I will tell you: There’s nothing quite like entering a foreign country at 6:00 a.m. and being felt up by a burly German woman. At least she could have sprung for flowers and breakfast… ; )

Cheers and more tomorrow from Dusseldorf, where I will be staying aboard Polyconcept’s floating hotel boat, as a guest of the ever-suave and charming Philippe Varnier, the company’s chairman/CEO, and my favorite dance partner, Yann Leca, its CFO. Can. Not. Wait.

— M


You Say You Want a Resolution…

Filed under: Fun, Personal

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

As I type this in the last remaining days of 2008, I’m full of hope and optimism. Yeah, there’s the fact that we’ll soon have a president who uses three-syllable words without making us cringe and knows that the Bill of Rights isn’t a list of suggestions. But in addition to that, I’ve always been a fan of that clean slate feeling you get at the start of a brand new year — like shaking an Etch-a-Sketch that erases all the crappy, idiotic things you’ve done throughout the previous one. And while I’ve never been one to ponder things pensively in retrospect (I’m more of a “let’s get on with it and move forward” kind of girl), I do have some resolutions for 2009, most of which I will have selectively ignored in roughly two weeks.

1. Stop procrastinating. To be clear, there are few tasks that I don’t put off until the very last possible minute. There’s probably some clinical, psychological term for this, though Joe Haley, the managing editor of ASI’s magazines, has his own description for the special brand of hell it causes him when my magazine is in production or a profile I’m writing isn’t finished as we’re literally going to the printer the next day: “When you’re on deadline,” Joe sighs, “a little piece of me dies every day.” Rather than work on a profile for an issue of Counselor, I once WILLINGLY watched a marathon of “The Hills,” that insipid reality show on MTV, starring mentally deficient pretty people in all their vapid, moronic glory. It was an eight-hour marathon and I watched it all. I know… I need to be under the care of a whole team of mental health professionals.

2. Get organized and prioritize. Instead of methodically tackling one project at a time, my strategy is more akin to a drunken baby wielding a shotgun and firing off scattered rounds. I jump from project to project, until the end of the day when I have different items in various states of completion. I’m sure I have some ADD/OCD/ADHD issues that keep me from concentrating for any length of time for which I should seek medicinal relief — and God knows I’m not opposed to pills — but it just seems so, I don’t know, trendy to blame one’s inability to focus on some sort of short-circuiting brain waves. Crazy I can deal with; cliche is another story….

3. Be better at keeping in touch with friends. To say I’ve been remiss in this area is putting it mildly. You know what it’s like — deadlines, travel, endless happy hours… and then the year’s over. I sent my Goddaughter a card last month wishing her a “Happy 13th Birthday!” That’s all well and good, except she’s 15 and I was there, in the room, when the child was born. Time flies when you’re being a spaz and not paying attention…

Do you have any juicy resolutions? I’d love to hear them, so please do share! My favorite so far? Michael Bernstein, the vice chairman of Counselor Top 40 supplier Polyconcept and my most beloved of all my BFFs, shared his “greatest weakness and indulgence” with me recently: “Cigarettes and you, Michele.” Here’s hoping he doesn’t give up the latter!

By the way, a hearty thanks to all of you who e-mailed me — after reading of my penchant for “sloth,” one of the deadly sins, in my last blog posting — that the History Channel is featuring a new series, “Seven Deadly Sins” week starting on Monday, 12/29 at 9:00 p.m. EST, spotlighting one sin on each of the seven nights. They have an ironic sense of humor over there at the History Channel — the week kicks off with a bang tonight with “Lust,” “Gluttony” is on New Year’s Eve and my beloved “Sloth” is on New Year’s Day. I will be commemorating the High Holy Day for lazy, self-indulgent people everywhere with some celebratory napping.

So I hope you all have a fabulous 2009 and I look forward to seeing you at upcoming shows! I’ll be at the PSI Dusseldorf Show (Europe’s largest promotional products show — so huge, in fact, that it dwarfs the PPAI Vegas Show) next week, the always-awesome PPACanada Show in Toronto from January 23-27 and the ASI Dallas Show from February 4-6 (one of my favorites), and will be a blogging and photo snapping fiend at each show. If you see me, come over and say hi!

In conclusion, I’d like to think that Hunter S. Thompson, the crazy gonzo journalist, excess-embracing loon and one near and dear to my heart, had it right when considering one’s goals in life: “Maybe it all comes down to this,” Thompson said. “Laughing loud, drinking much, sleeping late, having fun, getting wild and driving fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested.”

So here’s to an awesome 2008 and an even better 2009, aptly described with some lyrics from a song that always epitomizes optimism and hope to me, from the musical “Rent,” about a year in a life… 

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Cheers and Happy New Year!

— M


A Few of My Favorite Things…

Filed under: Editorial, Fun, Personal

Hi Everyone —

As we’re in the midst of the holiday season and the year’s almost finished, I’m going to take a page out of Oprah’s book and devote some time to a sampling of the coolest items that wowed me this year and made me swoon — both from in and outside the industry. Unfortunately, unlike Oprah, I won’t be giving away any cars, houses or bras.

So here, without further ado, are my favorite things (note that “raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens” didn’t make the cut… ; ) ).

More next week and cheers!

— M

PS: If there were any wow-worthy products that you found this year, post them below — I’d love to see them!

If I was giving out an award for “Most Creative Ad Specialty of 2008,” this would be a lock because it ROCKS. On one side of the plastic card there are perforated guitar picks that can be imprinted with any custom design or logo; the back has room for your name, phone number and e-mail address. How’s that for the coolest businesscard EVER?
Available from Pikcard; (800) 596-7074 (ext. 303); www.pikcard.com

I love that this photo keychain wallet is small enough to be unobtrusive but dainty enough to be cute. As I don’t have children (something that causes scores of people to cheer) I could put a photo of each of my kittens — Monkey and Mouse — in these heart-shaped photo slots. Well, if not for the fact that my editorial colleague Joe Haley, the star of The Joe Show, staunchly maintains that I’m only six months away from being a full-blown Crazy Cat Lady, “dressing them up in doll clothes and having weirdo little tea parties.”
Available from Express Pens (asi/53411); www.expresspens.com

I can talk the ears off corn, but for some people, making conversation — especially at a networking event where you don’t know anyone — is the equivalent of gargling with shards of glass. These cards, though, make it easy. They ask personal questions (“What movie made you laugh until you cried?” My answer: The Birdcage), business questions (“What would you like to add to your job description?” My answer: Maintain a consistent napping schedule), and even custom questions that can be created for your company, which are sure to get people talking.
Available from Custom Topics (404) 815-0272; www.customtopics.net

The excessive bling surrounding this travel mug just screams “diva,” which is exactly what this diva does when she doesn’t get her way. I love that you could be drinking your favorite beverage and simultaneously check to make sure that your lipstick isn’t smeared like a demonic, crazy clown.
Available from Berney-Karp Inc. (asi/40261); www.ceramic-source.com

From Selco’s “Hard Core” line of edgy, street-inspired timepieces, the “Flaming Ice” is just so rock star cool. Using three-dimensional casting, authentic mother-of-pearl, Swarovski crystals, diamonds and white steel, this wearable work of art is signed and serialized by the artist, Steve Soffa.
Available from Selco (asi/86230); www.selcotime.com

From the company I’ve adored — for a multitude of reasons — since I first started in the industry, this combination iPod docking/charging station, mini-stereo, AM/FM radio and alarm clock works with all iPods (including iPhones) and some MP3 players. The alarm clock features snooze/sleep functions (which those who embrace sloth as I do just love…), three alarm settings and a detachable remote control that operates the snooze function and iPod/MP3 player.
Available from Leed’s (asi/66887); www.leedsworld.com

I have a lot of fun toys in my office, which attracts co-workers to come in and play — they compare it to “Wonkaville” or Fantasy Land. This unique note holder just adds to the mix.
Available from PromoBiz (asi/79903); www.promobizusa.com

Oh, let me count the ways I love Lexon, a Paris-based industry supplier. Quite simply, its products are so beautifully designed they make me want to weep. I learned about Lexon years ago, when I traveled to Paris in 2000 with some Norwood friends to see the debut of Lexon’s new line and to be there when its iconic “Tykho” rubber radio (shown here) — which had just scored the cover of Time magazine’s “Design” issue — was inducted into the Louvre as one of the “Best Designed Products of the 20th Century.” Since then, when I see Lexon’s items at the PSI shows in Dusseldorf or Paris, I make a beeline to the booth, find the company’s impossibly-charming owner, Rene Adda, and worship at the altar of his breathtakingly-designed offerings. As I consider every one of their items to be an objet d’art, just check out their swanky Web site, www.lexon-design.com, and prepare to be wowed.
I am a huge fan of Swarovski’s jewelry line and consequently love any product that uses its crystals as embellishments. Here are two: a delicate jeweled box covered in crystals and a singular sparkler discreetly placed in one of the most stylish pens I’ve ever coveted.
Available from Logomark (asi/67866); www.logomark.com

This just brings me back to the days of frivolous fun, when all it took was Sea Monkeys, pet rocks and invisible dogs to make me giggle with delight. Will this Magic 8 ball, which can be fully custom imprinted on its surface, amuse the frak out of anyone who receives it? “The outlook is good… .”
Available from Prime Line (asi/79530); www.primeline.com

As the joke goes here in the editorial department, my partying has taken such a toll on my looks (so says my mother, Judge Judye) that I have to spackle on my make-up with a putty knife. This fashion-forward cosmetics and toiletries bag is large enough for all my smoke-and-mirrors tricks of the trade. Just avoid looking at me in direct sunlight…
Available from Gemline (asi/56070); www.gemline.com

If you know me, you know that I’d rather have my spleen removed with a soup spoon than deal with math on any level. This Hydraulic calculator has such a whimsical bubbly shape that it numbs the pain of interacting with numbers for me. It features a calendar, month, time, time zone display, world time for 16 cities and two alarms, a robotic “open” slide and comes in metallic blue (my favorite) and silver.
Available from Dard Products Inc. (asi/48500); www.tagmaster.net

One of the (many) banes of my existence is how my jewelry — especially my necklaces — gets tangled together. This sleek and sexy jewelry stand is the perfect, unique remedy.
Available from Steel Threads (asi/89475); www.steelthreads.com

This handy pill carousel is the perfect item for those near and dear to me here at ASI who have to deal with my antics, listen to the nonsense that flies out of my mouth on a daily basis, and self-medicate with Advil (or stronger) because of it. This list of long-suffering souls includes, but is not limited to: Every member of the editorial department, but especially Joe Haley, Andy Cohen and Melinda Ligos; in-house tech geek Jeremy Young; senior Web developer Samantha Tucker (the saint who posts these voluminous blog manifestos for me), COO Vince Bucolo; senior vice president Rich Fairfield; and last but certainly not least, president/CEO Tim Andrews. Help ease their pain with this bright white pill case with a translucent blue lid and seven compartments to hold a week’s worth of medications. The wheel rotates at the push of a button and there’s a combination lock to discourage sharing.
Available from Sweda (asi/90305); www.swedausa.com

When I saw this, I thought, “that is just one of the most unique ideas, even if it’s something I wouldn’t use.” Why wouldn’t I? Because I’m more of a soaking-in-a-hot-bubble-bath kind of girl. This item is ideal for local governments, hotels, eco-groups, water companies or anyone touting the conservation of natural resources through limiting one’s shower to five minutes.
Available from All-In-One (asi/34256); www.allinoneline.com

Want to bring the bling? Do it in over-the-top style with this rhinestone-studded dogtag, shown here in a Sex and the City design. My crazy chica pal Julie Ditchik (that’s “Jules” to you and me…) gave this to me at the SAAC Show in Long Beach this past August and I cherish it!
Available from Pinnacle Designs (asi/78140); www.pinnacledesigns.com

And now, some items for the degenerate in us all (or at least the people to whom I gravitate). When the economy goes bad, sin is in, my little heathens — though in Michele World, it always has a place of honor. Here then, are some gift suggestions for those of us who know the special pleasures of being bad… ; )


In case you didn’t know it, music begins and ends with the Rolling Stones in my book. I stand in awe of Mick’s ability — in his mid-60s — to strut around the stage like a chicken in little leather pants singing lyrics like “I used to be your rooster, now I’m just your c**k” and truly believe that miracles do exist, if for no other reason than the fact that Keith — looking remarkably simian, like he’s de-evolving — abides. Throw my love of The Stones together with my love of wine and you have quite the potent combination for revelry and mayhem. This company’s offering of Rolling Stones wine, available in many different types (Chardonnay, Pinot, etc.), all feature the notorious tongue and lips logo that was first introduced on the band’s classic 1971 album “Sticky Fingers” — the one whose cover had a photo of pants with a real zipper that actually unzipped at the crotch and that was the first album I bought, at the age of 13, much to my mother’s profound horror. The Classic Tongue “brand” perfectly captures the unabashed hedonism of the World’s Greatest Rock ‘N Roll Band.
Available from Celebration Cellars (asi/44366); www.celebrationcellars.com

And speaking of The Stones, one of my favorite songs from the Glimmer Twins is their ode to “Mother’s Little Helpers.” This whimsical “Quaaludes” cookie jar is from the hip and haute housewares designer Jonathan Adler, often featured in Vogue and a judge on Bravo TV’s “Top Design.” His tongue-in-cheek stance is to embrace excess with one of his candid canisters — perfect as gifts for all your wicked friends and favorite psychopharmacologists. Offered in black & white and powder blue & chocolate stripes (the version that currently sits in my office), this comes in other hilarious variations (“Downers,” “Uppers,” “Dolls”) and is ideal for when you’re beyond denial and want to stash in style.
Available from Jonathan Adler: www.jonathanadler.com

As the saying goes, one person’s virtue is another person’s vice. However, thanks to Captain Buzzkill — Pope Gregory I — we’re all saddled with perpetual guilt surrounding the Seven Deadly Sins: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. Now, while I’m sure I commit each of these on a daily basis, I’d like to take a moment to give a special shout-out to the one I hold near and dear to my heart: Sloth. If I’m riding the Highway to Hell, I’d like it to be because of my prodigious laziness. And though the sins remind me of that supremely creepy Brad Pitt/Morgan Freeman/Kevin Spacey movie Seven (guest-starring Gwyneth Paltrow’s boxed head), I still crave this “Seven Deadly Sins” gift set from D.L. & Co. Lighting the candles would be like paying homage to my Id.
Available from Gift Genius www.giftgenius.com

Life (at ASI) is a Cabaret…

Filed under: Fun, Personal

Hi Everyone —

I’m leaving tomorrow morning to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my family, who have a home in Sanibel, Florida. While I will be reveling in the warm weather and limiting my mother, Judge Judye (again, she doesn’t preside over trials, but she is judgemental, in that special way moms can be… ; ) ) to three nags per day, I wanted to share with you photos from ASI’s first annual “Roaring ’20s” Cabaret night. An aside: I really don’t know if this will be a yearly event — it’s more just me being hopeful in case the Powers that Be (that’s you, Tim Andrews!) are reading…

With “bootleg” cocktails, gangster hats, feather boas and flappers in abundance, I can tell you that this event — hosted by president/CEO Tim Andrews and ASI’s “Fun Committee,” was one for the books. Now, for those of you who know me, I’m not the type of girl to be overly-effusive, but I had a BLAST! (And not just because wine was involved…). 

The evening was hosted by American Idol finalist Justin Guarini, who could not have been a more gracious, engaging host, and featured some of ASI’s best in-house “talent” singing karaoke. Justin, incidentally, is the spokesperson for industry supplier BamBam’s (asi/38228) trademarked “Rollabana” so he’s already “in the know” about the ad specialty business.

Here, then, are a wide variety of photos — the good, the bad and the disturbing (you’ll know it when you see it, but it involves my tongue hanging out of my mouth like a hungry basset hound). It will definitely explain why people truly enjoy working at ASI, and why many — including myself — stayed for so many years.

Happy Thanksgiving and more next week!

Cheers!

— M


With hundreds of ASI employees in attendance, the company’s first-ever Cabaret Night was a “roaring” awesome time.
(From left): Web designer Steve Hawk, the man working the soundboard for ASI Radio with the skill of Brian Eno, and Craig Veltri, senior Web designer for ASICentral.com, get their gangster on.
Sometimes, the quiet ones are the best surprises… Jason Cissorsky, whom I’ve had the pleasure of seeing sing karaoke to the elegant and refined, “I’m Too Sexy for Your Hat, Too Sexy for Your Cat,” wowed the crowd with his rollicking rendition of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” And for his fabulous efforts — which included a festive jig during the song’s famed instrumental segues — he won “Best Solo” for the night.
Mike Morris leads a bevy of back-up singers to a rousing rendition of Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.”
(From left): ASI Show advertising coordinator, the one and only Karen Wynn and exhibitor accounts manager Kristen Metzner showing off their miles of smiles.
If there was a prize for snappiest attire, this guy would have won it, hands down.
Amanda Swartz belts out “Black Velvet,” which garnered her the Grand Prize.


Here’s Rich, rocking out to “Addicted to Love.” Just so you know, this is exactly the expression he has on his face when he tries to locate me at shows and has to bellow my name in random bars… ; )


Rich Fairfield, ASI’s senior vice president, publisher and my beloved boss [read: He has a high-tolerance for my bulls**t and antics], emulating the best-dressed man in rock, Robert Palmer, doing “Addicted to Love.” Behind him, as the ever-stoic though supremely sexy chorus line, are (from left): managing editor Joan Chaykin, editor-in-chief Melinda Ligos, director of ESPOnline Candace Hershey and my girl Dana Reaume (LOVE her!!!), ASI’s professional development coordinator. Rich wanted me up on stage, though I declined because I have legs like a corgi.


I love the composition of this shot, taken by my pal Jason Kuttner, of managing editor Joan Chaykin and my boss, ASI publisher Rich Fairfield, during his karaoke rendition of Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love.”


Tim Andrews, making a definitive point — which is not always easy to do while donning a boa… LOL).


ASI president, CEO and kissing bandit Tim Andrews, shown here with the lovely and talented Jessica Fletcher, ASI’s electronic communications coordinator.


One of ASI’s newer charismatic personalities, meet Lori Cohen, shown here on the left, singing a bringing-down-the-house performance of “Nine to Five.”


Michelle Motz and Rob Fiorello took the prize for “Keep Your Day Job” (they had a lot of competition).


Jim Maratea, ASI’s building operations manager, belts out “Born to Be Wild,” a sentiment both he and I share…


My pal Jessica Fletcher, left, shown here with editorial staff writer (and Joe Haley’s “bromance” BFF) Matt George and managing editor Joan Chaykin.


ASI’s distributor sales manager Stan Fellerman, shown here with the lovely Mary Laycock, Dale Denham’s assistant. And for that reason alone, Mary should have had at least three drinks… ; )


Barbara Ambrose, executive assistant to senior vp/publisher Rich Fairfiled, looking fabulous flapper attire. Barbara rocks, and is one of the people who helped decorate for Cabaret Night… Twenty-three skiddo, Barbara!


ASI’s CEO & president, Tim Andrews — proudly sporting a boa — welcomes everyone to ASI’s first Cabaret Evening.


Dale Denham (right) pulled me up on stage to get a photo of the two of us with Justin Guarini. Look at me in the center… I appear to be from the Land of Lilliput.


(From left): Advantages editor Kathy Huston, editor-in-chief Melinda Ligos and associate editor Jen Zorger, all my super-awesome editorial chickies. Interestingly, they are like an ascending scale of loud — Jen being the quietest and Kathy, well, being Homeric.


ASI’s editor-in-chief Melinda Ligos and president/CEO Tim Andrews raise lit candles in support of an encore from Joe Haley.


(From left) Donna Brauning, Tim Andrews’ executive assistant, Joe “The Crooner” Haley and I. I consider it a personal accomplishment that my tongue remained firmly planted in my head.


Editor-in-chief Melinda Ligos and ASI senior vice president and publisher Rich Fairfield, both of whom I report to and both of whom have compared managing me to “attempting to control the wind.” Next time you see them at a show, buy them a sympathy shot.


The tongue wag that launched a thousand “icks.” Here’s me, on the left, inexplicably looking as though I’m going to lick poor Joe Haley, shown here with Melinda Ligos, like taffy. I think if that keeps up, my little Joe-Joe may slap me with a TRO… ; )


Joe Haley, with his tumbler and cigarette props, could be a founding member of the Rat Pack. If only he had the smooth-as-silk way with the ladies…. ; )


Joe Haley, shown here with his new BFF Justin Guarini. Word has it that Joe plans to let his hair “sprout” just like Justin’s! Can. Not. Wait.


And here, my friends, is where the evening took a decidedly wacky left turn… Joe Haley, ASI’s managing editor, star of The Joe Show and one of the three people at ASI who can tell me to “Shush” without fear of evisceration (the other two — in case you were curious — are Christian Brandt, ASI’s executive director of distributor services and Jeremy Young, our IT “guru” and my cocktailing partner in crime) sashayed on stage, donning full tux, hat, tumbler of scotch and (unlit) cigarette, to croon Sinatra’s “My Way.” Now, you should know, Joe CANNOT sing one note; however it was his bravado — complete with a hat-toss and cigarette flick into the crowd — that brought down the house. If I haven’t told you lately, Joe-Joe, YOU ROCK.


Tim Andrews playfully hides behind his boa and gives me one hell of a come-hither gaze — so much so that I blushed and got weak-kneed. ; )


Karyn Coates (Executive Director of E-Media and Member Benefits), whom I will maintain to my dying day bears a striking resemblance to the hottie Cylon “Six” on Battlestar Galactica, shown here with Dale Denham, the guy who once lamented to me that he had never made an appearance on my blog. Well, Dale, the ship has sailed on your anonymity! ; )


Candace Hershey, director of ESP and Dale Denham, Senior vice President — separately, they’re characters; together, they are pistols!

Here, ASI’s President’s Council — the group of senior vice presidents who lead the company and report directly to Tim Andrews — yucking it up to “YMCA” by the Village People, led by Rich Fairfield (left) and senior vice president Dale Denham, someone who never met a mic he didn’t like. ; )


Oh, let me count the ways that I love these boys. Both Jason Kuttner (left) and Tim Glen are charter members — along with my pal Jeremy Young — of “The Joy Stick Club,” as I call ASI’s LAN technology department (due to their rabid adoration of video games like “Quake”), but they are so much more. Jason is the life-saver I call when I’m in places like Guangzhou and Hong Kong when my Blackberry (and I) are melting down. And though there’s not much he can do to placate my psycho state, he always knows how to fix the Crackberry. And Mr. Glen, this boy is one of those wicked-smart people who has sick computer skills and basically keeps ASI’s entire internal technology network up and running. Succinctly, he is totally bad-ass. Rock on, Mr. Glen… ; )


American Idol finalist Justin Guarini — and his Very Prominent Hair — hosted the evening’s events that featured 15 karaoke events.


Justin Guarini, breaks out the guitar to accompany marketing manager Kate Malone, a true signing talent who fronts a band. Kate’s choice of karaoke song was Natalie Merchant, one of my favorites.


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