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Monday
August 10, 2009 The Sounds of SummerHi, Everyone! Hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the summer! First, the wacky, “Are you kidding me, you crazy chica???” news: That sound you hear is hell freezing over, because I am officially on Twitter (ASI_MBell). Yep, my capacity for hypocrisy apparently knows no bounds, after my many “I loathe online social networking” rants. (I still want no part of Facebook, though, and giggled with delight over the best line in a recent episode of Entourage: Vinny to E: “Why aren’t you on Facebook?” E to Vinny: “Because I’m an adult.”) And don’t think the irony escaped me that literally, within hours of me joining Twitterville, the whole system came crashing down. It’s like online social networking heard I’ve bad-mouthed it and retorted with an extended middle finger. Second, I just returned from vacation in my beloved Avalon, NJ and spent lots of blissful beach time reading magazines, simmering in the sun (my skin tone now resembles beef carpaccio) and listening to my iPod. Which got me thinking: Is there anything better than the quintessential “summer song” to put you in a fabulous mood, no matter what season you hear it? Right now, “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas (listen to it here) really wants to be the theme song for the Summer of 2009. And don’t get me wrong — it’s catchy, jaunty, and Lord knows I’m on board with any song whose refrain is “Fill up my cup — Mazel Tov!” But when considering the songs that put me in my happy place — those that would comprise my personal soundtrack of summers past — I submit the following, in no particular order: 1. “Sweet Child ‘O Mine,” Guns ‘N Roses. The album Appetite for Destruction came out in 1987, but this song — which saturated airwaves in the summer of 1988 — put the band on the map. What starts with Slash having his way with his Les Paul guitar evolves into a declaration of affection from singer Axl Rose to his girlfriend at the time, Erin Everly (daughter of Don Everly, of the Grammy-winning Everly Brothers). What makes it a lyrical miracle is that a bunch of misogynistic tools managed to craft one of the most stunningly sweet love songs ever. Listen to it here. 2. “All Summer Long,” Kid Rock. Yes, yes — I know he’s douchy and looks like he needs a flea dip. But this song, unquestionably the anthem of the Summer of 2008, still makes me smile when I hear it because Kid Rock (of all people) managed to capture that feeling — the one you had when you were young and summer nights, and the debauchery that went with them, lasted forever. Listen to it here. 3. “Highway to Hell,” AC/DC. They had me, in the summer of 1980, when Back in Black came out and I heard “You Shook Me All Night Long” for the first time. They kept me when I saw the band for the first time and realized that the guitar player producing those incendiary sounds wore knickers, for the love of God. But it’s “Highway to Hell” that has me flooring it at 90 miles per hour in my car through sheer force of osmosis. I came to grips a long time ago with the fact that I — and all my heathen friends — are on the highway to hell; I’ve only recently realized that I’m driving the pace car. Listen to it here. 4. “Little Red Corvette,” Prince. Forget for a moment that when he wrote this song (which is most certainly not about cars, horses or jockeys) in 1982, Prince was not in a little, red Corvette, but in the back of a bright pink Ford Edsel that belonged to Lisa Coleman, his guitarist in The Revolution. So slyly sexy, so tongue-in-cheek sassy, this song alone can steam up any car’s windows. No one does dirty double-entendres like the little man in high-heel purple velvet boots; no one brings the funk like him either. Listen to it here. 5. “Express Yourself,” Madonna. If you can get past her annoying British affectations and that she’s had so much work done on her face it looks like Silly Putty stretched across one’s knee, the Material Girl and her music have morphed so many times, she really is the Mother of Reinvention. Released in the summer of 1989 on the then-scandalous Like a Prayer album, throngs of females everywhere — young and old — got their girl power on strutting around to this empowerment anthem. Listen to it here. 6. “Southern Cross,” Crosby, Stills & Nash. In the summer of 2001, five girlfriends and I rented a house in Avalon, NJ. None of us were in relationships at the time, and met quite the buffet of boy toys. The problem? We all suffered from late-night cases of extreme DUI (Dialing Under the Influence). If you’ve ever drunk-dialed a significant (or not-so-significant) other and woken up to less-than-savory consequences, you know it’s not a pleasant thing. At one point, we all decided to hide our phones after coming home at 3:00 a.m. from the bars. The issue? The next morning, we couldn’t remember where we hid them and had to call from an outside line to listen for the rings coming from the refrigerator crisper, the dishwasher and the toaster oven. There’s a verse in this song, “From a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you,” that will always remind me of that summer. Listen to it here. 7. “Roadhouse Blues,” The Doors. My friend Mark Hobbs (aka, “McDreamy”), owner of Pacific Coast Golf, is the only other person I know who loves The Doors as much as I do. With this song in particular, it’s the lure of the lead-in from Robby Krieger’s guitar, then John Densmore’s pulsing drums, followed by Ray Manzarek’s hypnotic keyboards that bring us to the baddest of all bad boys, Mr. Jim Morrison — Dionysus himself — and his seductive vocals. The Sexiest Rock Star Ever, I’d follow that reptilian devil in slinky leather pants right to the gates of hell. I don’t wake up in the morning, and I don’t drink beer, but you bet your ass that for the Lizard King, I’d give up my vows. Listen to it here. 8. “You Get What You Give,” New Radicals. When things look their bleakest thanks to an awful economy, sluggish sales or general doom and gloom, I challenge anyone to listen to this song and not get an immediate infusion of optimism. Listen to it here. 9. “Reelin’ in the Years,” Steely Dan. First, let me say that I have always worshipped at the altar of Steely Dan, the most sardonic, whip-smart and subversive of all rock genius weirdos. Donald Fagen and Walter Becker may not be much to look at, but their lyrics are simply sublime. (And not just because they pay homage to “the Quervo Gold and fine Colombian.”) Second, you have to give props to a duo who’s been together for 30+ years and has the wink-and-nod humor to name their band after a sexual device in legendary writer William Burrough’s infamous masterpiece Naked Lunch. “Reelin’ in the Years,” released in the summer of 1972 from the Can’t Buy a Thrill album, is a revelation. With the most acute clarity, I remember coming out of the ocean one Saturday afternoon in July of 1999 and walking to my beach chair on 21st Street in Avalon, NJ. The lifeguard was listening to this song loudly on his radio and, with the sky the most azure blue you’d ever imagine, seemingly every adult on the beach was singing along. And then I recall thinking, “This is one of those perfect moments that I’ll remember forever.” Listen to it here. 10. “Bad Things,” Jace Everett. This may be the most aptly-named song in history. The theme of HBO’s fabulously sinister and lascivious True Blood, never has a song woven so well with the surreal (and more than a little creepy) imagery of a TV show’s opening credits. The libidinous beat, with its Southern discomfort undertones, conjures up steamy summer evenings where, make no mistake, things will go very bad, very fast … in a very, very good way. Listen to it here. 11. “No One,” Alicia Keys. This soaring testimony to the power of unconditional love makes even a snarky cynic like me a true believer. Listen to it here. 12. “Liquor Store,” Dash Rip Rock. When Dan Townes, industry legend, one of Counselor‘s Power 50 and owner of Shepenco/Shelbyville Pencil, turned me on to this band, it was this hilarious song in particular he knew I’d love. With the refrain, “I wanna be locked inside a liquor store with you,” it makes me tear up, it’s so romantic. Should the apocalyptic day ever come when I get married, this will be my wedding song (pause for the sound of my mother’s head exploding…). As an added bonus, you just have to love a band that names itself after a character on The Beverly Hillbillies. Listen to it here. 13. “Runnin’ with the Devil,” Van Halen. Ranking right up there with the debate over national health care is this one: Who was the better VH frontman, David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar? Whichever camp you’re in, you can’t deny that the car horn fade-in and Michael Anthony’s thundering bass line in “Runnin’ ” makes it one of the best openings for a song ever. It also reminds me of one of my ASI BFFs, Christian Brandt, executive director of distributor services. He loves Van Halen, and — let’s face it — if you know him like I do, you have to admit that if anyone’s running with the devil, it’s this Christian. ; ) Listen to it here. 14. “Magic Man,” Heart. Of the sister duo Heart, Ann Wilson (the brunette) is a girl after my own heart. She wrote this song as a way to explain to her mother why she just had to leave home for a summer and travel across the country with a hypnotic, enigmatic bad boy — much to her mother’s chagrin. Having once traveled cross-country for the summer in a bus with a band (I was dating the bad-boy drummer), much to MY mother’s chagrin, I am quite familiar with the lure of Magic Man land. I used to be a frequent visitor, and have the baggage to prove it. Listen to it here. 15. “Brandy,” The Looking Glass. What a fine girl you are indeed. Always classier than boozy, haggard Lola with her faded feathers over at the Copacabana, and that boy tease Jessie’s Girl, we rooted for you to finally hook up with with your locket-giving sailor from the sea. He may have had a Brandy in every port, but you can serve us whiskey and wine any time. Listen to it here. 16. “Mexico,” James Taylor. There really are no words to express my love and adoration for James Taylor other than these: There was a glorious five-year stretch when JT would tour each summer and land in Philly on my birthday (August 9th). It was like my own, personal gift from God. One year, as he — alone on stage with only his guitar and amazing talent — sang “Fire & Rain,” some drunk girl in the row behind me kept heckling him, loudly and with profanity, to sing “How Sweet It Is.” Because we were seated within the first five rows, I had no doubt that The Beloved One heard her. Something in me just snapped, and I — to the delight and relief of everyone sitting around us — turned around and punched Drunk Girl in the face, dropping her like a bag of dirt. The moral of the story? No one disrespects Sweet Baby James on my watch. Samba-tinged, “Mexico” is such the seminal summer song that Mr. Margaritaville himself, Jimmy Buffet, covers it (and even manages not to cheese it up). Listen to it here. So for those of you who’d like to create a memorable soundtrack of summer (or any season, really!) for yourself or your clients, I suggest contacting my pals Mark Bruk at CFS Promotions for Now! (asi/42989; ph: 800-800-8285) or Rob Watson at MediaTree (asi/70303; ph: 800-475-8703), both of whom do music download cards, or my girl Allison Schaffer at Sound Line LLC (asi/88241; ph: 800-750-5189), whose company handles customizable music CDs. Music, truly, is the gift that keeps giving. Have I been egregious in leaving off any glaringly-obvious fabulous summer songs? Post a comment and let me know! One last thing: My BFF Craig Nadel, president of Counselor Top 40 distributor Jack Nadel Int’l., has been tortured for as long as I’ve known him (12 years) over the lyrics for “Sympathy for the Devil,” by The Stones (Listen to it here). The song is known for being, aside from downright sulfurous, remarkably historically accurate (it must have been one of Keith and Mick’s rare moments of lucidity when they wrote it). There is one line, however, that has driven Craig and I NUTS over the years because we can’t attribute it to any historical reference. If you’re the first person to post the accurate attribution, I’ll send you a $100 gift card. Here’s the lyric: “And I laid traps for troubadours, who get killed before they reach Bombay…” Please ease Craig’s pain — and mine! ; ) Cheers, and more soon! — M
Friday
July 24, 2009 My Kinda Town, Chicago Is!Filed under: ASI Shows, Editorial, Fun, Travel Hi Everyone! I’m just back from the ASI Chicago Show, which was awesome on a multitude of levels. It was fabulous seeing old industry friends (Windbrella’s Bob Hechler, JournalBooks’ Tim O’Boyle & Jamie Raynor and R.S. Owens’ Scott Siegel, I’m looking at you… ; ) ) and meeting some amazing new ones like industry veteran Lisa Bennett. That Lisa and I have never met is perplexing. Lisa, who lives in Chicago, is a multiline rep who handles companies like Counselor Top 40 supplier Ash City, my friend Leigh’s company, Say Thank You with Coffee, and some others. She is sassy, hilariously wry and we share many of the same friends. She also has the distinction of being the person to convince me to stop being such an old-school whiner and join the Twitter flock. (Though I still maintain, as I routinely tell SnugZ’s Charley Johnson, it will be easier to raise the dead than to get me on Facebook … that so isn’t happening.) Stay tuned for next week’s blog which will have my Twitter info. The show itself was well-attended and steadily crowded, and participation in ASI’s educational offerings was up nearly 10% from last year. I myself moderated two panels, which turned out well — mainly because I am so lucky to be friends with such talented people. On my panel for suppliers, which offered the chance to gain insights into how to win a distributor’s business and loyalty, I had Deluxe Corp.’s Sheila Johnshoy, Touchstone’s Tad Webster, Brown & Bigelow’s Cindy Jorgenson and WorkflowOne’s Mike Riddle. On my “Secrets to Wildly Successful Self-Promotions” panel, I had industry speaker and veteran Cliff Quicksell, OnTime Promotions’ Sharon Biernat and PromoShop’s Kris Robinson. I’d like to thank all my panelists for being so gracious and giving with their time and expertise. Lastly, my favorite event of the Chicago Show is always the Counselor awards banquet, where we recognize the Person of the Year, as well as the Top 40 suppliers and distributors (for a list of winners, click here). It was an exciting night for me because my girl Bonni Shevin-Sandy, executive vice president of Counselor Top 40 supplier Dard, won the very well-deserved International Person of the Year award. I adore Bonni, and when it comes to doing business in a global marketplace, my girl has skills!!! The funniest line of the evening came from Chuck Fandos (“Chuckles,” as I call him), who took one look at the group of hooting and hollering rowdy rummies — PromoShop’s Kris Robinson and Memo & Sabrina Kahan, Chuck’s business partner Conrad Franey, Sweda’s Jim Hagan and Scott Pearson, BIC’s Dave Saracino, in addition to myself and ASI’s publisher Rich Fairfield — at our very prominently placed (dead center in the front of the room) table and looked at me with dread. “What the hell are you doing putting us up so far in the front, Michele??? Look at us — we’re back-of-the-bus kind of people!!!” But hey, that’s my way — I love surrounding myself with excessive rock stars and charismatic wackos. ; ) Enjoy some photos below from the show and look for more next week! Cheers, M
Sunday
July 12, 2009 The Weirdness of Me…Hi Everyone! I hope you’re all having a fun summer and finding ways to chill (literally and figuratively) and enjoy yourselves. We’ve been busy in ASI’s editorial department, closing our special annual Counselor “State of the Industry” issue (due out later this month), in addition to our other magazines and preparing for the upcoming ASI Chicago Show. It is for these reasons that I’ve been more than a little stressed — which, for those of you who know me, makes me so much more of a delight than I usually am. Let’s just say that some of my eccentricities really start to shine under certain circumstances. For example, I have a tendency when I’m in a mood like this and want something, to write it in verse — usually rhyme, sometimes iambic pentameter — because it sounds sweet and whimsical, and makes me seem (I think) less like the demanding diva I can be. Recently, I wanted my BFF Jeremy Young (one of ASI’s tech geeks) to bring me some chicken salad (one of my favorite things!) that his mother, a fabulous cook who knows her way around a skillet*, had made. To avoid sounding petulant and Veruca Salt-ish (“I want, I want, I want…!!!”), this is what I sent Jeremy to convey my request: Ode to Chicken Salad Though not a fan of salad, green, There is another on which I’m keen, Often described as “finger-lickin’ “ It’s the kind made of chicken!
I think it’s because this was the last thing I wrote before going to sleep that night, and because I had work on my mind and took two Tylenol PM capsules**, I had a trippy (on a multitude of levels) dream that would have had Freud scratching his head and reaching for a tumbler of scotch. In it, Tim Andrews, ASI’s president & CEO, announced to the company that Ben Bernanke — the Chairman of the Fed — was coming to ASI and that I would be the one to make a presentation to him on the company’s behalf***. Walking through ASI on my way to address the Chairman, Joe Haley — my tortured managing editor and the star of The Joe Show — followed me with a little red wagon, handing out seashells to every ASI staffer we passed****. As we got to the auditorium, I took the stage, turned to the Chairman of the Fed, 500 ASI employees, Tim Andrews and the Cohn Family and did the entire presentation in haiku. The last thing I remember before waking in a cold sweat was the look of shocked horror on Tim’s face. The next day I mentioned my dream to Tim, who frankly waved it off as me being a weapons-grade weirdo. Fast forward to about a week later when Tim walked in to my office and told me he had just come from a visit to his home state of Indiana, where he stayed at a place called Hotel Indigo. At this boutique hotel, the menus, room advertisements, key card, “Do Not Disturb” door hanger, bar coasters and napkins — everything — had fun little messages that were written in, you guessed it, haiku.
Tim shook his head in disbelief. “I swear to you,” he told me, “before staying at this hotel and your wacko dream it had been years since I heard the word ‘haiku’ used in any form. You have to admit — it’s not something that comes up in everyday conversation.” How clever is this hotel, though, to tie in the concept of the haiku with all their collateral promotional materials? And how fabulous would it be if they offered some equally cool and inspiring ad specialties to guests as a welcome or in-room gift, or something sent to loyal customers? (Savvy distributors reading out there, I’m talking to you… ; ) ). I love this hotel’s attention to detail and creative ingenuity in employing the under-utilized (though clearly very hip) haiku as a form of communication! Speaking of communicating, next time I blog it will be from the ASI Chicago Show, starting Tuesday, 7/21 and running ’til Thursday, 7/23. If you’re exhibiting, please be my guest at a free luncheon and panel discussion just for suppliers (held on Tuesday, 7/21 from 12-1:30 p.m. right on the show floor). I’ll be moderating a panel of four top-selling distributors who will share with you what it takes to win their business and their loyalty. If you’re a distributor, join me on Wednesday, 7/22, from 2:45-3:45 p.m. (right behind the Advantages’ New Products pavilion) for a panel discussion on super-successful self-promotion campaigns, featuring some award-winning promos that garnered double- and triple-digit response rates and tens of thousands of dollars in sales for the distributors who created them. Cheers, and more next week from Chicago! — M * I myself cannot cook at all, and once had to ask Jeremy — with a furrowed brow and confused expression, “What the hell is a skillet?” ** I’m also mystified that I, certainly no clean slate when it comes to pharmaceuticals, was sent reeling by two little Tylenol PM capsules. It’s like Keith Richards being leveled by a Flintstones vitamin. *** As the majority of my working knowledge of the stock market comes from the movie Trading Places, it should be noted that I’d be the last person at ASI — and that includes the nice high school boy who mows our lawns — Tim Andrews would ask to address the Chairman of the Fed. **** Joe Haley would like you all to know that despite his guest role in my dream, he is neither my lackey nor my bitch in real life. ; )
Friday
June 12, 2009 A “Hangover” that Didn’t Make Me Beg for Death…Happy Friday Everyone!!! So just in time for the weekend, and because everyone needs a good, hearty laugh to counterbalance the dreary state of the economy, I am telling everyone I know to run — don’t walk — to see The Hangover. My merry band of movie-going pals here at ASI went to see it last night and I will tell you that I haven’t howled that heartily at a movie since Old School. I thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was funny; this is riotous in a body-convulsing fashion. At one point, I laughed so hard that my pal Pierre Schnog, a senior editorial desgner for ASI’s magazines, leaned over and asked — in a very concerned way — if I needed medical assistance. I believe he thought my lungs had collapsed because I was wheezing with laughter [click here to hear my turkey-call of a laugh that frightens young and old alike…]. To be sure, many hangovers I’ve experienced have made me weep and beg for a quick, painless death; this one made me cry with uproarious hilarity. In a nutshell, the movie is about four guys who take a road trip from Cali to Vegas for one last night of partying before one of them — “Doug” — gets married. You don’t get to see much of Doug once they arrive in Vegas because he goes missing, and the mayhem that follows is nothing short of Caligulan. [Click here to see a trailer of the movie]. Perhaps I loved the movie so much because some of my trips to Vegas for industry shows have been equally as legendary in their Dionysian debauchery (Shepenco’s Dan Townes, Express Pens’ Matt Linderman, Bravo Awards’ Brian Starke & Greg Livings, On Time Promotions’ Sharon Biernat, WorkflowOne’s Jill Albers and Red Heart Promotions’ Sharon Ross, I’m looking at you…; )). Really now, who hasn’t woken up on the floor of a room resembling the sack of Rome, newly tattooed, with a free-range chicken strutting through the place? Am I the only one??? As sublime as the movie was, my complaint still holds from the last few movies my pals and I have been to — where are the fun, cool and memorable ad specialty tie-ins? I’m telling you: If, for example, at showings of The Hangover, they gave out stuffed tigers, keychains with fake incisor “charms,” imprinted tighty-whiteys (all key plots points from the movie), shot glasses or disposable cameras (so movie-goers could snap evidence of their own extreme partying), the items would be coveted. Mark my words, my friends: If the day ever comes when ASI’s president & CEO Tim Andrews finally shows me the door for being a PITA (Pain In The Ass), I’ll start my own movie promo business going to theaters owners and yapping incessantly to them about how — if they used ad specialties — they’d have legions of loyal patrons. Cheers, and more next week! — M
Tuesday
June 2, 2009 In Praise of Nerds, Networkers & Beloved BFFsHi & Happy June, Everyone! For people of my ilk — the sci-fi/fantasy/comic-con freaks — there can be no doubt that this is our time to shine. The Golden Age of the Geek. In the past two months, movies such as Wolverine, the electrifying Star Trek and decidedly so-so Terminator have opened, with the second installment of Transformers and the sixth Harry Potter coming in a few weeks. It is, indeed, the summer of our most content. Having seen some of these movies with my Nerd Herd friends at ASI (Jeremy Young, Jason Kuttner, Jim Maratea, Seth Kusiak, Samantha Tucker and Hillary Braubitz, I’m looking at you!), here’s my question: Where are the promo products to accompany these big-budget openings? There are few fan bases as rabid in their devotion and loyalty as the geeks, so why aren’t the movie industry, theater owners, etc. doing more to show their appreciation? When the Nerd Herd and I went to see Wolverine, we all gathered in the theater’s lobby after the movie to play one of those games where you maneuver the metal claw to capture a plush toy. (No need to point out the weirdness of a bunch of people in their early 30s and considerably older participating in this… We know.) My techy wizard pal Seth was able to win a stuffed Star Trek “Live Long and Prosper” hand (the Vulcan “farewell” for those of you not cool enough to know… ; ) ), but it cost us all about $15 in dollar bills to do so.
Would it fry the neural pathways of ad specialty buyers to offer some logoed items as free giveaways? Just a thought, but if they want the continued patronage of people with clearly a lot of time, money and freakish devotion, wouldn’t it behoove them to ply the fanboy (and girl) demographic with incentives? Remember: These are people willing to dress in costume and sleep on streets for movie premiers; imagine how fired up their metachlorians would get over an imprinted T-shirt.
SnugZ/USA’s Charley Johnson Gets Connected My friend Charley Johnson, one half of the charismatic SnugZ/USA duo, recently started a new Facebook group called “Promo 35,” which he says will focus mainly on the younger/next generation of the ad specialty industry. It will also spotlight enlightening interviews with some well-known people in the industry — Q&As with Gene Geiger, Bob Stoltz from Sanford Business-to-Business and ASI’s president/CEO Tim Andrews are on the site now.
Though I personally find online social networking to be a scourge, I applaud any effort like Charley’s to make the industry more inclusive. “Only a small percentage of people know the ins and outs of our industry and I would like to bring the knowledge of some of the big players in the industry to more people,” Charley says. “A happier, more engaged employee only makes for a stronger company, which in turn helps the industry. I have many Facebook friends from the industry but they all have their own set of friends — friends they work with back at the office, friends I will never meet nor will you — and these are the people I want to get involved. It’s a piece a cake to send a Friend request and even simpler for these people to accept and not a damn dime is spent.” To check out Charley’s “Promo 35” site, use this link: http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#/pages/promo35/106499934072?ref=ts. The site is only one week old and already has over 400 members. Interviews with Dard’s Bonni Shevin-Sandy, AIA’s David Woods, Boundless Network’s Jason Black, The Vernon Co.’s Chris Vernon and Shelbyville Pencil/Shepenco’s Dan Townes, among others, will be posted soon. A Message to Michael Lastly, I’d like to give a special shout-out to my favorite in the industry, Michael Bernstein, who celebrates his 42nd birthday today. Michael, the vice chairman of Polyconcept, and I have been friends since we were 29 years old — I was new to the industry when we met and he was just a guy who worked in the design department at Leed’s. In the 12 years since, he is the one I’m closest to, the one I rely on the most and the one who calls me on my crap.
Henceforth, the top six reasons why the talented Mr. Bernstein is my brother from another mother: 6. Because I’ve always been a sucker for smart-ass, defiant rebels. When we first met, at the 1997 Counselor banquet — when it was the “Top 25” and Leed’s had just cracked the list in the #25 slot — he sat at a back table in the banquet facility with a one-hitter and got progressively high throughout the evening… much to the mystified amazement of everyone who recognized the wafting scent and snapped to attention. 5. Because he’s seen the Grateful Dead more than 120 times and once took me to a Stones concert in Pittsburgh at which we had front row seats — and because he only mildly mocked me as I squealed like a 12-year-old girl when Keith Richards stood directly in front of us and played “Sympathy for the Devil.” 4. Because even though he’s snarky and sarcastic, cynical and borderline nihilistic, he and his wife Amy have Shabbat dinner every Friday night so their four young children get a sense of their Jewish heritage. 3. Because he covets his privacy and keeps such a low profile he makes Keyser Söze seem attention-starved, yet acquiesces to my continued, pesky requests for interviews, quotes and dreaded (for him) photo shoots for ASI’s magazines.
2. Because when I need someone to explain the intricacies of world economies and financial markets — and their impact on the industry — he’s the first one I call. He is the Annie Sullivan to my Helen Keller. 1. Because even though he’s now the vice chairman of a billion dollar global company, he’s still the same person he was when I met him 12 years ago — one of the most chronically individualistic, iconoclastic, enigmatic and funny people I know. Happy Birthday, Michael… ; ) — M
Friday
March 27, 2009 BIC’s Dave Saracino Turns the Big 5-0Hi Everyone! Some of my favorite industry characters recently clued me into the fact that Dave Saracino, director of sales for Counselor Top 40 supplier BIC, celebrated his 50th birthday. BFFs Chuck Fandos of Counselor Top 40 distributor Gateway/CDI and Kris Robinson of Counselor Top 40 distributor PromoShop sent me these photos from the rollicking festivities, held in conjunction with a Legacy Buying Group meeting in Las Vegas. Details of the lost weekend in Sin City — like the boys’ behavior — are sketchy, but let’s just put it this way: I think the unofficial name for this group of fun friends should be “The Wrecking Crew.” ; )
“The Legacy Group is a group of six distributor companies totaling about $160 million in sales who formed a buying group in 2000,” says Gateway/CDI’s Fandos. “We share business strategies and lots of fun. Dave Saracino is an honorary member of the Legacy Group because he is, well … Dave.” Fandos also told us that after the group played golf at the stunning Lake Las Vegas golf course, they visited a variety of casinos and watering holes until the wee hours of the morning. “Dave kept the golf theme going by wearing his golf shoes all night.” Post a comment below if you’d like to send Dave 50th birthday wishes! Cheers and more next week! — M
Friday
March 20, 2009 Battlestar Galactica’s Last Episode: The Final “Frak You”Hi Everyone! Today is a momentous day in Dorkville, as Battlestar Galactica, the Sci-Fi Network’s brilliantly brutal and deliciously dark space opera about human beings living in a futuristic alternate reality and the sexy, stealthy, sneaky Cylon robot counterparts who love them (except when they want to kill them) calls it quits after four breathtakingly rollicking seasons.
In this now-famous “Last Supper” press photo for the start of the fourth and final season of Battlestar Galactica, the impossibly attractive main players of humans and Cylons share a table before one last, big, “frak you” moment. Two of my work BFFs, Hillary Braubitz (ASI’s senior editorial designer who lays out our magazines) and Jeremy Young (one of ASI’s tech engineers) and I rented a hotel room last week so we could all watch the second-to-the-last episode together. We wanted to watch together because Hillary, who is in Europe at the moment and will be missing tonight’s final show, is the one who turned me on to the frakking fabulousness that is BSG. She’s also allergic to cats (removing watching the show at my house, where my kittens Monkey and Mouse live with me, from the equation), which is why we got a hotel room where we could all hunker down, drink ourselves silly and bask in the brilliance of the show.
Here are my partners-in-dorkiness, Hillary Braubitz, ASI’s senior editorial designer (she lays out all our magazines) and the person who first clued me into the brilliance of BSG, and Jeremy Young, one of the uber-Geeks who handles ASI’s technology infrastructure. Despite the stricken look on her face — which bears more than a passing resemblance to Patty Hearst’s after she spent a day or two with the Symbionese Liberation Army — Hillary really isn’t unnerved by Jeremy, nor is Jeremy nearly as cheesy as he looks in this photo. Why he appears to be posing for a cognac ad escapes me. All he’s missing is a red silk robe, a matching ascot and a pipe.
Here, Jeremy says something clearly jaw-dropping to Hillary. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s just sucked down his second tumbler of 18-year-old Scotch or that he’s proudly wearing a Han Solo Star Wars T-shirt. I’ll say this about Jeremy: He does fly his dork flag proudly… This isn’t the first time I’ve written about my love for BSG, or my coming out of the closet as a full-fledged sci-fi/fantasy fan. [Click here for previous blog] However, it bears repeating because this show may be one of the best we’ll come across in a generation. Like some other ground-breaking shows — The Sopranos, Mad Men, Rescue Me, Lost — BSG was never afraid to address messy issues and had to guts to let them play out as they would in real life, in all its nasty, gritty, gory glory. No one on BSG is an angel (well, one of them may be, but her behavior is far from angelic), which is what makes the show all that more compelling — there is no pure good or evil. Everything about this show (including its lighting) exists in troubling shades of gray. Not since Blade Runner has science fiction shot for the screen been so morally ambiguous. So, without further delay, are the top 4 reasons why BSG may be the best show in decades: 1. Though it never won a major Golden Globe or Emmy award, BSG received critical acclaim, the devotion of legions of fans and was presented with the prestigious Peabody Award for excellence in television. Which, by the way, if we’re comparing that to the Emmys, would be like being given a glass of Veuve Clicquot champagne as opposed to a mason jar full of Champipple. So esteemed is this show that a special screening of select episodes was held this week at the United Nations, followed by a discussion among U.N. representatives, cast members and the show’s creators on topics such as human rights, children and armed conflicts, terrorism and different cultures and faiths. When the blond pop tarts on The Girls Next Door are invited to such a gathering, I’ll turn in my membership to the nerd herd and begin touting the benefits of reality TV to society. 2. In creating such a vivid, complex and at times frustrating view of an alternate society, the brains behind BSG have given us such gems as a cranky, cantankerous doctor, ironically named “Coddle,” who chain-smokes in front of critically ill patients and barks at grieving family members, “just try not to unplug anything — or anybody.” So fully-formed and unique are the characters that populate the BSG world that it’s them you’re ultimately drawn to — not the dazzling (and they are) special effects. You also have to give kudos to a show that installed a woman as president (the always-awesome Mary McDonnell) and gave her the backbone to make impossibly difficult decisions with the wisdom, grace and definitiveness you wish existed in the men who’ve held the office of U.S. president. 3. FRAK! One of my favorite aspects of BSG is the way it commandeered its own bad, four-letter “F-word” that’s not only part of the lexicon in the BSG world, but has seeped into ours as well. Want to know who’s a BSG fan? Start hurling the word “frak” around and they’ll give themselves away with the knowing glint in their eyes. I like it because it allows me to curse even more loudly and liberally than usual, but without the usual annoying tisk-tisk, finger-wagging repercussions. I can’t tell you the joy I derive from telling Joe Haley, ASI’s managing editor and star of The Joe Show, “Frak you, my little motherfrakker!” (He responds in kind by calling me “a total dork who is justifiably single.”) 4. Because the creators of the show, Ronald Moore and David Eick, took the character of Starbuck — played in the cheesy ’70s original by Dirk Benedict as the epitome of a testosterone-driven, swashbuckling rogue — and did the unthinkable. They re-imagined the character as a blond, tattooed girl. Kara Thrace (played by Katee Sackoff) is an ace fighter pilot with a mouth like a sailor on shore leave. The only thing more mind-numbing than her use of profanity is her cavalier, chew-’em-up-and-spit-’em-out attitude towards sex and her ability to drink copious amounts of liquor. Of course, I love her. I’d want to drink with her, but am sure she’d kick my ass, as she does everyone else’s. In this new, enlightened BSG world, Starbuck is a little bad-ass blond who can eat your entrails for lunch, and wash them down with a shot. Because I am such a devotee of BSG, and because today is the show’s last hurrah, please do post a comment below if you’re a BSG fan. If you do, it will be my pleasure to send you your very own “Frak” mug — one of which I have on my desk, as do my BFF dorks Hillary and Jeremy. After all, everyone deserves a good frak. So say we all! Cheers, and more next week! — Michele Actual
Tuesday
February 24, 2009 What the Hell is a “Twitter”?Hi Everyone! Sorry I’ve been incommunicado — I’ve had crazy, overlapping magazine deadlines that have been stalking me like buzzards flying lazing circles. However, my absence from blogging has given me time to ponder my latest loony rant: just how much I despise online social networking. It’s not that I’m averse to new forms of technology per se… Some of my favorite people here at ASI are the Tech Geeks, or as I call them, The Joy Stick Club. So what’s my issue with online social networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and MySpace? They’re the nexus for all things annoying in life, and one more nail in the coffin of personal, human interaction. Heretowith, the eight reasons why online networking is the current bane of my existence: 1. The Tedious Play-by-Play. Am I the only one who doesn’t care that Mrs. Blah Blah is “out having the dog groomed” or that Larry Lame “just had a burrito for lunch.” Let me end the suspense for you: Michele is sitting at her computer right now, rolling her eyes in an exasperated fashion and using variations of a word that rhymes with “duck.” 2. When, Exactly, Did “Friend” Become a Verb? I get daily invitations from people who want to “Friend” me, Link with me and Tweet me (which sounds way more salacious and fun than it is). Really? First of all, if I consider you a friend and want you to have an all-access pass to my life, you already have my e-mail address and cell phone number, which I sometimes think has been written on bathroom walls at ASI shows, so many industry people seem to have it. Do we really need one more avenue through which to know every single detail about a person and to be able to contact them 24/7? I love you all dearly… I love my privacy more. 3. Ghosts of Boyfriends Past. My friend Meg and I have known each other since the first grade. We know each other’s dirty little secrets and have been there for all the major events in each other’s life. Meg called me last week to tell me that she’s now on Facebook and has been in contact with a guy we went to high school with — let’s call him Loser McMoron. The cringe-inducing part? Loser McMoron is the first person I had sex with and the thought of my oldest friend chatting him up after all these years unnerves the hell out of me. Do I regret the losing-my-virginity sex? Nope. I regret the fact that it was with a Reagan Republican. I still shudder at the thought. The moral of the story? Some people belong in the past. Unlike Christ, resurrecting them isn’t hallelujah-worthy. 4. The “25 Random Things” List on Facebook. Please. Have we really become this self-important and self-involved that we need to share every little cockamamie, weirdo aspect of our lives? Because I refuse to engage in online networking, my cousin read her list to me, much to my chagrin. Number 6 on her list was “Sometimes, when I’m sad, I sneak a piece of cake and eat it in my bedroom.” Good Lord. Who needs to know that? Have we no shame? And by the way, to my cousin I say: Anyone who’s walked behind you lately would agree that the sneaky cake-eating isn’t exactly a secret. 5. My mother is on Facebook. 6. The Whining Wall. My aforementioned mother, Judge Judye (again, she doesn’t preside over a court, but she is judgemental), is a new member to the Facebook community, which is reason enough for me to disavow it as a harbinger of the apocalypse. She’s eager for me to join so she can post messages on my “Wall.” I’m not quite sure what that is, but am fairly certain they have one in hell. To be clear, my mother utilizes every form of modern communication — phone, e-mail, text message — to reach her recommended daily allowance of nagging. Giving her one more portal to do so is the last thing I need. When I didn’t call her back within five minutes after her leaving me message on Sunday night because I was watching the Oscars, she sent me an Instant Message reminding me that she was in labor with me for 10 hours. Oy gevault, sighs this shiksa. 7. Virtual “Drinks.” As someone who still gets a special thrill uncorking a new bottle of Grey Goose and pouring it over a glacial stack of ice, the concept of a “virtual drink” is just downright twisted and evil. The premise, as it’s been explained to me, is this: A person sends out an invitation to all his online “friends” to have a drink, and if you accept, a mini-program is downloaded, thereby letting your wild and crazy online posse tie one on. (A word of caution: Drink responsibly or you may end up getting Control-Alt-Deleted right into Virtual Rehab.) Joe Haley, my editorial colleague and star of The Joe Show, tells me, “It’s like being in a bar and drinking with all your friends.” Yes, it certainly seems so in every way — except that there’s no real bar, there are no real, live friends and, most importantly, THERE IS NO ALCOHOL. If I want to drink in a bar with friends, I require it to be so real that I feel the thud of dead weight hitting the floor as they boozily fall off their bar stools like sacks of potatoes. 8. The Popularity Contest. I have actually witnessed conversations between middle-aged people in which they complain that they “only have 60 MySpace friends while SoandSo has 500” or lamenting for far longer than they should that their request to be someone’s “friend” has been declined. I’m just guessing here, but I think these are also the people who brought their cousins as prom dates and were the last kids to be picked for dodgeball. Now lest you think I’m alone in my anti-online networking sentiment, Time magazine just declared Facebook “the place for old fogies” and about as hip as Pat Boone. “There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook,” the magazine noted. “That time has passed.” Additionally, my techno-dork BFF Jeremy whom I mentioned earlier in this blog drew his own line in the sand last November by removing himself and all evidence he ever existed from Facebook (which speaks volumes about his threshold for geekiness because has NO problem proudly and readily admitting that he’s the secretary in an amateur astronomy club): “Social networks are the new world order of how people hang out,” he says. “It used to be that you’d hang out with friends and it was fun. Now you ‘hang out’ with people online and don’t even know some of them. There’s an entire Internet of people spewing nonsense that I couldn’t care less about … and they’re not there for me to mock in person.” My reason for shunning online networking is different: I like my real-life friends — the ones who can meet for real meals and show up to provide rides, alibis and testimony for the defense at a moment’s notice. When online friends can do that, I’ll be all aTwitter. Cheers! — M PS: Hope to see you at ASI’s New York Show from March 8-10. I’ll be the one consuming real drinks… ; ) |
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