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Counselor Senior Editor Michele Bell's slanted view of the world.

In Praise of Spongy Girl Parts & Walks of Shame …

Filed under: Editorial, Personal

Hi Everyone!

I’m heading off to Shelbyville, TN, tomorrow to celebrate the wedding of Andy Townes, the oldest son of Dan Townes, legendary industry luminary and owner/president of Shepenco/Shelbyville Pencil (asi/86850). I’ve been to Shelbyville to stay with the Towneses before and they party on a whole different level down there in the South. Can. Not. Wait.

Before I leave for the long weekend, I wanted to send shout-outs to everyone doing creative promotions and giving their time and resources for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Cancer is such a horrible, insidious disease, and more than any other group, breast cancer awareness advocates are really experts at mobilizing the masses to raise funds and spread the word about early screenings and self-education. 

As the proud owner of spongy girl parts, I’m always happy to support friends and colleagues who do breast cancer walks for the Susan G. Komen foundation and other entities, and have received my fair share of pink-hued ad specialties — caps, T-shirts, mugs, water bottles — for my donations. However, as I always lean sharply to the irreverent side, I recently came across three items that just slayed me due to their sheer sassiness. Laughter, as they say, is potent medicine.

The first is this double-sided Scoop ColorBrights Rollerball/Highligher Combo Pen from my pals Michael and Matt Linderman at Express Pens (asi/53411) in Austin, TX. Michael and Matt did this particular pen for a group located in Austin called Planet Cancer, which offers support to young adults, ages 18-40, with cancer. Being in Austin — a city that’s so delightfully eccentric and idiosyncratic that the slogan for its business association is “Keep Austin Weird” — this group has taken a decidedly “F-You” attitude toward cancer. Their message, imprinted on Michael and Matt’s pen, is deliciously defiant and a hit product among visitors to Planet Cancer’s site. (As a rabid Stones fan and Keith fanatic from way back, I covet these pens!)

Another favorite item on the Planet Cancer site (www.planetcancer.org)? This T-shirt for women, emblazoned with the phrase “Crazy, Sexy Cancer Goddess.” LOVE IT.

The next item, which ASI’s editorial creative director Jim Lang clued me in to, may be The Best Thing Ever Invented. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Walk of Shame Kit. Now, I don’t know about you, but where I spend my summers in Avalon, NJ, walks of shame are practically an Olympic sport. (For those of you who aren’t degenerates, a “walk of shame” is what you do the morning after hooking up with someone, when you have to sheepishly shuffle back to your own home in the cold, harsh light of day — usually with throngs of smirking onlookers present — with your eyelashes stuck together, your tongue fuzzy, your shoes in your hand and other articles of clothing crammed into your purse …). Again, being the eternal optimist, I’ve always tried to put a positive spin on it, declaring my morning-after hikes home the “Strides of Pride” and adding a bouncy little jaunt to my step — until the inevitable tumble off the curb, into the gutter.

Complete with everything a dehydrated diva could need, the Walk of Shame Kit comes with sunglasses (to simultaneously keep the pesky glare of sunlight from exacerbating your crushing hangover and camouflage smudgy makeup), a beach cover-up-like dress, flip-flops, a drawstring duffel to carry your clothes from the previous night, a pre-pasted toothbrush, and my personal favorite, a note card that can be left behind that says, “Call me” on one side and “Thanks for nothing” on the other. Lastly, there’s a pink breast cancer awareness bracelet to remind you that you should always balance out an act of blatant SHEdonism with one of altruism. For each kit sold, a portion of the proceeds are donated on the buyer’s behalf to a breast cancer awareness foundation. Kits can also be customized (ideal for sororities!), either by imprinting the dress, duffel and flip-flops or the tin the kit comes in. For more information on this item intended to help regain a little dignity the morning after and do a little good in the meantime, go to www.walkofshamekit.com.

Cheers, and more next week!

— M

PS: Since I turned 40 two years ago, I make sure to get a mammogram every October. If you haven’t already, sign up for one soon … It’s what all the cheeky chicas who love their spongy parts are doing! ; )